


Cracked

by hchollym



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Child Rape/Non-con, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:03:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hchollym/pseuds/hchollym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The company is de-aged to the day they lost their virginity. It's all very amusing, albiet a bit embarrassing, until everyone realizes that Bilbo is much younger than he should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink meme prompt:
> 
> The Company are de-aged to the age at which they lost their virginity. At first it is all fun and games, "Hah! you have only lost 5 years if its a day" "Oh my, Master Dwalin looks no different" etc. until they realise one (or more) of the company is missing/hiding. When they find him/them, he/they are child/tween equivalent.
> 
> ...
> 
> Seriously, this story talks A LOT about past child rape, so please be warned! This is a very sensitive topic, so please do not read this if it is going to be triggering for you.
> 
> The pairings mentioned in the tags are minor or implied only. The main focus of this story is Bilbo's feelings about what happened, and the company's reaction to finding out.

Thorin and his company really _should_ have been using Beorn’s home to rest and recuperate from their wounds. Instead, they found themselves standing in a field of flowers looking like they did on the day they lost their virginities – except with their clothes still on, thank Mahal. 

Kili and Fili had been tossing Gandalf’s staff back and forth, ignoring the wizard’s aggravated protests, when they dropped it. The young Durins were always getting into some kind of trouble, so it came as no surprise to anyone when a bright light burst from the end of the staff and a cloud of smoke surrounded them. 

The company yelled in surprise and fear, unsheathing their weapons to prepare for battle, but no harm was done to anyone. The fog dissipated as quickly as it came and revealed that everyone looked younger; well, almost everyone. They all sighed in relief that this was the extent of the damage; they had been lucky, because it could have been far worse.

When everyone realized that they looked the way they did on the day they lost their virginities, most of them began to laugh in merriment and look around the company with renewed interest. Gandalf was looking murderous at the young Durin heirs, but they ignored him and grinned widely. They looked the youngest of all the company, as they had both lost their virginities on the day they came of age. 

Bofur and Nori looked several decades younger, and the toymaker winked at the thief in remembrance. Gloin and Bombur both had the braids from their marriage ceremonies in their hair, and Bifur didn’t have the axe in his head anymore. 

Dori and Balin were barely recognizable. Their bodies were young and healthy, and their brown hair was full and thick. They both looked rather smug at the appreciative stares that were sent their way because of their new, or rather old, appearances. Just then, Fili burst out laughing. 

“Thorin, you look the same!” They all turned to look at the king, who was glaring daggers at his nephew and scowling. 

“I am the King, Fili. My focus is on my people, not selfish personal whims.” Sniggers were heard around the clearing, and even Thorin’s glare wasn’t enough to stifle them.

“Oh, Uncle, I think your people would be perfectly fine if you took a night off to enjoy yourself!” The blonde said cheekily, and Thorin’s scowl only deepened as he grumbled. Balin was hiding his smirk behind his hands. 

“Ori looks the same too!” Everyone turned to the youngest member of the group, and Dori looked rather relieved to notice he hadn’t de-aged. It was no secret how protective he was over his youngest brother. He was protective of Nori too, but he had given up on shielding the middle brother’s innocence long ago. It was absolutely pointless, because usually, it was Nori who was doing the corrupting. 

“Wait, no! He’s got the scratch on his cheek! The one he got from the trolls. He had it for a few days after that,” Fili exclaimed excitedly at the observation. 

Every head turned towards Ori as they all scrutinized his face. The young scribe looked down, blushing and ignoring his older brother’s reactions. Dori looked shocked and upset, but Nori just looked amused and curious as he racked his brain to figure out how _that_ happened and with whom. 

“Oh, yea,” Kili grinned, “And look! Dwalin has his injuries from the trolls too!” The archer laughed, but upon realizing what he said, his mouth snapped shut quickly. The clearing went eerily silent as Dwalin looked down, suddenly finding his shoes very interesting, and refused to meet anyone’s gaze. Ori only managed to confirm everyone’s suspicions when his blush deepened. 

After that, chaos broke out. Nori and Dori both jumped up and began shouting angrily. They were struggling to push past Bofur and Balin, who had both foreseen this reaction and were holding the brothers back from attacking the bigger dwarf. 

Several other members of the company were snickering, and many were watching the scene unfold with interest as they started to make bets over who would win in a fight. Kili and Fili were doubled over in laughter, clutching their sides as tears streamed down their faces.

Poor Ori looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, while Dwalin just grunted and crossed his arms, silently daring the brothers to attack him. When Dori yelled something about taking advantage of Ori and disrespecting him, the warrior had heard enough and stood quickly, clenching his hands into fists. 

“I would never disrespect him! Once we reclaim Erebor, I plan to make him my husband,” he bellowed, completely infuriated by the accusation that he would ever take advantage of the other. 

Ori looked at him in surprise, his eyes wide and hopeful, and Dwalin smiled in response, nodding confirmation to the younger dwarf. Ori positively beamed up at him. Dori and Nori relaxed considerably at the declaration, but they still grumbled and shot heated glares at the warrior while Balin clapped his brother on the back in congratulations.

“Hey, where’s Bilbo?” Fili asked, noticing their hobbit was missing. Everyone blinked and began to look around the area in confusion. With all the excitement, no one had even realized that the tiny halfling had disappeared.

“Bilbo!” They called out, but there was no response. Some of them began to look worried, but Kili simply snickered. 

“I bet he’s hiding because he still looks the same,” he exclaimed, proud of himself for figuring it out. He raised his voice to shout, “Don’t be embarrassed Bilbo. Thorin’s a virgin too!” 

His uncle’s eyes flashed angrily, and he crossed his arms in indignation as he used every ounce of self-restraint he possessed to not kill his youngest heir. Several of the other’s laughed and called for Bilbo to come out, promising not to make fun of him.

When the hobbit still didn’t appear, Gandalf sighed sadly and called out softly, “Bilbo, please do come out. I need everyone here so that I can change you all back. Besides, it’s not safe to wander out here alone.” The company stopped talking and exchanged confused glances at the gentle tone of the wizard’s voice. 

They heard a rustle in the bushes next to them, and they turned to see a tiny figure emerge. Their breath caught in their throats and their hearts stopped to see the hobbit child in front of them. He was barely half the size that Bilbo usually was, his clothes swamping his tiny body, and his eyes were wide and terrified. 

There were dried tears on his cheeks, and his lip was bleeding. Several bruises were darkening around his face and neck, and he was limping as he approached them. The bile rose in the dwarves’ throats, and they had to swallow it down in order to not throw up. Bilbo refused to meet their gazes, staring pointedly at his much-smaller feet. 

“My dear, Bilbo,” Gandalf said sadly. He lifted his staff, and fog surrounded them all again, only this time, there were no shouts from anyone. When the air cleared, everyone was back to their current age, but the atmosphere hadn’t changed. The silence was deafening, and Bilbo bit his lip as he continued to stare at his toes, curling and uncurling them for any sort of distraction. It was Bofur who spoke first.

“Who?” His voice was quiet, but the rage and hatred behind it was obvious. Bilbo had never heard the usually soft-spoken and funny toymaker sound so angry. It was actually rather terrifying. He swallowed hard. 

“A ranger,” he said as evenly as he could. They all gasped in horror. 

“It was a Man?!” Kili cried out, desperately trying to wrap his mind around the idea. It was too terrible to even properly comprehend. Bilbo nodded and took a shaky breath. 

“But he must have been at least three times your size!” Fili exclaimed, and Bilbo visibly flinched. 

He didn’t need to be reminded. It was something he would never forget. He still remembered every single detail as vividly as if it were yesterday. He remembered how excited he had been to finally meet a ranger, and he remembered how that excitement had turned into confusion when the man held him down. 

He hadn’t even understood what was going on; not really; just that it hurt so much, and he was scared and wanted his mom. He remembered the pain that seemed to last forever afterwards, and he remembered throwing up all over the floor once it was over. He remembered everything, but he wished more than anything that he didn’t. 

The company all noticed his flinch and stopped talking. They didn’t know what to think or do. This was wrong; so so wrong. How could something so horrible have happened to their burglar? It shouldn’t happen to anyone. 

The older members of the company wore expressions of disgust and anguish, mixed with a fierce protectiveness, while Fili, Kili, and Ori all looked on the verge of tears. Dwalin’s voice broke the silence, deep and low. 

“Is he still alive?” Bilbo finally looked up, but he still avoided direct eye contact as he bit his lip and furrowed his brow in contemplation.

“I’m not sure. I don’t even know his name.” He shuddered at the thought of that monster still being out there somewhere and doing that to someone else. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill as he swallowed the bile that was rising in his throat. 

Dwalin grunted in response, flexing his hand over his axe. Every instinct in his body was screaming at him to find the ranger and kill him, but not before torturing him mercilessly. If he was already dead, then the warrior would find his body and chop it limb from limb before feeding it to the pigs. 

Thorin’s eyes were shining with grief and sympathy, and he felt such a strong twinge in his heart so that he almost visibly flinched. The guilt began to churn in his stomach like acid for all the times he had degraded and insulted Bilbo for being weak. 

He had said that Bilbo knew nothing of the world and suffering, but he had been so wrong. He felt the sudden urge to wrap the hobbit in his arms and never let go; to protect him and make sure that nothing ever hurt him again. 

“I’m so sorry, Bilbo,” Balin said quietly. His voice was pained and gentle, but Bilbo could hear the edge of anger in it. 

Children were rare amongst dwarves, so they were valued above even the most precious gold. The thought of someone hurting a child at all, let alone like that, was enough to make every member of the company ready to go to war. 

“Ah, yes, well, I’ve made my peace with it long ago,” Bilbo responded, trying to give them a small, reassuring smile. Judging by the looks on their faces, he’d failed miserably. He saw Gandalf sigh and shake his head sadly, knowing full-well that Bilbo was lying. 

The truth was, Bilbo didn’t think he would ever get it over it; not completely anyway. He didn’t wake up screaming from nightmares anymore, and he didn’t flinch whenever someone touched him, but it still affected the way he interacted with everyone around him. 

It would always be a part of him, lingering in the back of his mind. He would go for long periods of time without thinking about it, but then suddenly, everything would come crashing back in a vicious onslaught of memories that he couldn’t repress. 

He had managed to have sex with a few people before, but if sheer terror and fear didn’t consume him like a volcano, then he just felt empty. It didn’t mean anything to him. Everyone always talked about how sex was so intimate and special, and how it made you feel connected with someone else, but Bilbo felt nothing. 

He couldn’t equate sex with love; they were two totally different things to him. No matter how much he cared about the person he was with, he simply could not force himself to feel like it was more than just a physical act. They weren’t making love; they were having sex. It made him feel messed up and guilty, because it wasn’t fair to his partner. They all deserved to have someone that could give them meaningful, loving sex, and that wasn’t him; it would never be. 

He was a bachelor because of it. He didn’t want to be this way, but he couldn’t help it. He had tried so many times to open himself up and feel vulnerable during sex, but then he would start to panic and pull away, shutting down completely. Eventually, his partner would get tired of trying to fix him and leave him for someone who wasn’t as screwed up. Bilbo was damaged goods, used and cracked, and he knew it. 

He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a choked sob. He focused on the company in front of him and saw Ori crying into Dori’s chest as Nori rubbed soothing circles on his back. Kili had leaned into Fili’s embrace and was struggling not to break down, but everyone else just looked at a loss. 

They wanted to avenge their friend, but they had no way of doing it, and they wanted to offer him some sort of comfort or support, but they had no idea how. They felt useless and helpless. Gandalf finally cleared his throat to break the tense silence that had befallen them. 

“The sun is beginning to set. We need to be inside before it gets dark.” Bilbo shot him a grateful look, relieved at the change of topic. He was the first to follow the wizard inside, and the rest of the company slowly made their way behind him, exchanging glances and watching the hobbit’s retreating form. 

Dinner was an awkward and tense affair, and Bilbo finally sighed and excused himself for the night. He curled up on his bedroll in the corner of the room, hugging his knees to his chest, and stared at the wall blankly. This was exactly why he had hidden in the bush earlier when he realized what happened. He was afraid that everyone would start acting differently if they saw him, and he was right. 

He didn’t want them to look at him with pity and sadness, and he didn’t want them to walk on eggshells around him, never joking or laughing. He had absolutely hated the way that everyone made fun of him at the beginning of the journey, but what he wouldn’t give to have that back now. He heard footsteps approach him, and he tensed.

He felt a body plop down on the floor behind his back. He couldn’t see who it was, but it didn’t really matter. He didn’t think he had the energy to deal with anyone right then. He pretended to be asleep, but the dwarf was undeterred as he sat silent and unmoving. After several minutes had passed, Bilbo started to feel anxious, and he couldn’t help but fidget slightly. The dwarf seemed to take this as a sign to start, so he began to speak, his voice revealing him to be Thorin. 

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, Master Baggins. I should not have been so harsh on you. I did not know what you’ve been through.” The king’s words cut Bilbo down to his core, and he spun around, his eyes ablaze with anger and frustration. 

“Stop that, just stop it!” Thorin blinked and furrowed his brows in confusion at the hobbit’s outburst. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Bilbo cut him off. 

“No, I mean it. I don’t want your pity or your guilt. I’m still the same hobbit I was at the beginning of this journey. Why were your insults any less rude before you knew? They were degrading and uncalled for, regardless of what I’ve been through. Yet believe it or not, I like the way things are. I don’t want all of you to start treating me differently or acting weird around me.” 

Thorin swallowed at the declaration, his heart beating fast in his chest. He could hear it thump loudly in his ears, and he opened and closed his mouth dumbly, unsure of how to respond. Bilbo sighed as all of the anger drained from his body, and he was overcome with exhaustion. He was so tired, physically and emotionally, and he just wanted to sleep. 

“I’m sorry to sound rude. I appreciate that you all care enough about me to be upset, I really do, but I’ve already lost enough from what happened, and I don’t want to lose all of your friendships too.” This finally seemed to snap Thorin out of his shock, and he nodded solemnly. 

“I would never claim to understand how you’re feeling, but I do know what’s it’s like for people to treat you differently once they find something out about you. They don’t think of you the same way anymore, because all they can think about it is that one thing. It starts to define you, even when you don’t want it to. It changes them and your relationship, whether they realize it or not, and it makes you feel utterly alone.” He spoke the words distantly, as if he was talking more to himself than to his companion. 

“Exactly,” Bilbo said quietly. Thorin turned slowly to look at him with a serious expression. 

“You have never treated me differently than anyone else, even when you found out that I was a king, and I promise to do the same for you,” he said sincerely, and Bilbo smiled in relief. 

“Thank you,” he replied earnestly. Thorin nodded and turned his head away from the hobbit’s gaze. 

“But if you ever need or want to talk, then don’t hesitate to find me. I can be a good listener.” The king kept his gaze locked on the wall ahead of him as he spoke, and Bilbo looked at him thoughtfully before smiling slightly in response. 

“Thank you for your offer; I will keep it in mind, but the same goes for you as well. If you should ever want or need to talk, I’m a pretty good listener myself.” Thorin swallowed and nodded in understanding. They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment before Thorin cleared his throat. 

“It is getting late. We should all get some rest. Good night, Master Baggins,” he said as he pushed himself up to stand. 

“Bilbo,” the hobbit replied, and Thorin looked at him inquisitively. 

“Call me Bilbo,” he said sincerely, and Thorin blinked before nodding slowly. 

“Very well. Good night, Bilbo.” The hobbit smiled warmly in response, and Thorin returned it with a small one of his own. 

As the king walked away, he heard Bilbo say “good night, Thorin,” and his heart fluttered in his chest. He walked past the company, who were looking at him expectedly, as if they wanted a report on the hobbit’s mental-state. 

He grunted out, “He is still our burglar, so don’t treat him any differently.” Everyone seemed a bit confused by the statement, but they all nodded and returned to their own bedrolls. 

It took several days, but by the time they left Beorn’s home, the company was mostly back to normal. They were still careful to avoid the topic of sex, and they didn’t tease Bilbo about his sheltered-lifestyle anymore, but they stopped acting like he was going to break at any second. 

Kili and Fili went back to teasing him, and Ori started talking to him about books again. He cooked with Bombur like normal, and Bofur made him laugh with his jokes. Nori went back to telling him all about the various thieving jobs he’d done, and Balin told him stories of Erebor again. 

Thorin’s gaze seem to fall on him more than before, but whenever Bilbo glanced at him, the king’s expression was not one of pity or sadness, and it didn’t make Bilbo uncomfortable like it would have at the beginning of the journey. They had a silent understanding, and Bilbo was glad for it. 

He was relieved and grateful that his relationships with the company hadn’t changed too much from his revelation, and he was truly awed and touched that they cared about him so much. Staring at the company affectionately, he realized that they felt like family to him, and the thought made his heart feel lighter than it had in ages. 

The ranger had taken so much from him, but he could never take this away. Bilbo knew that he would never completely be over what happened; there was no way that he could be. It would always be a part of him, but it didn’t have to be all of him. He may be cracked, but he wasn’t broken.


End file.
